Outrage! Quaich Being Used as Spittoon in Austin Law Office

Sources revealed that the Quaich, the hallowed chalice that is awarded every two years to the winning team in a long-standing golf match play competition between teams of friends from Scotland and the U.S.A., is currently being used at a spittoon in the Texas law office of U.S. Captain Chris "Guv'na" Hughes.

The Quaich in the law office of the Guv'na.  What was the Guv'na thinking when he chose that rug?

According to Heather Simmons, a summer associate at the large law firm in Austin, the Guv'na invites fellow partners to spit chewing tobacco in the Quaich during meetings.  "It's disgusting," said Simmons in a candid interview. "Those good ol' boys sit around with these huge wads of Red Man and Skoal in their mouths, spitting copious amounts of rancid juice into that beautiful silver cup."

Simmons, who has since returned to Baylor University law school to start her third year, described being invited to attend a meeting in the Guv'na's office to discuss pending litigation against an oil and natural gas client.  "I had just made a serious point about the toolpusher at a dry hole," said Simmons, "When all these guys started to roar with laughter and spit tobacco juice into the cup in the middle of the table.  I was embarrassed and horrified." 

The Guv'na declined to be interviewed for this article.

Young MacCallum Being Considered for 2016 Scottish Squad

Conor MacCallum at the links at Elie

Elie, Scotland -
Conor MacCallum, the 18-year-old son of long-time Quaich player Ian "Big Man" MacCallum, is being considered for a position on Team Scotland.  Having recently won the junior club championship at Elie, young Conor is considered a prodigy and would add much needed energy to Team Scotland.

With only eight available positions, Scottish Captain (and Conor's uncle) Ross "Rosco" MacCallum would have to cut one of his veterans to make room for Conor.

"I'm considering all options to put a winning team on the course," said a coy Rosco.

"Aye, right!" said Conor.  "Uncle Ross knows I'm interested in playin' for my country,"

Rumors that Graeme "H" Wilson  and Kevin "Riddler" Riddle are considered expendable because of their relatively low winning percentage in Quaich matches have been swirling for weeks. Riddler, however, is coming off a stellar 3 - 1 performance in 2014 in the Highlands and appears to be a player on the rise.  H, on the other hand, finished with a 1-2-1 record last year.

"Whatcho expect? said a defensive H. "I had to play Farley twice fur fuck's sake!"

Team roster developments will be reported as they emerge.  The 2016 Quaich matches will be played in October in Austin, Texas.

Farley's Confidence Shattered After Club Championship Defeat

Brian "Stealth" Farley , the top points earner in Quaich history, had his confidence shattered by a humiliating defeat in his home club championship today.  Farley's final score of 73 was no match for the 67 carded by Andy Gabelman at Barrington Hills Country Club outside Chicago. Witnesses to the morning match reported hearing shouts of "Cockasaurus!" and "She Gone" echoing through the tall hardwoods bordering the lush fairways of BHCC.  After shooting an indifferent 38 on the front nine, Farley was 6 shots behind Gabelman with little hope of catching him on BHCC's treacherous back nine.  

"It was similar to my loss to the Riddler last year," said a tearful Farley after the round, referring to his dreadful 4 & 3 loss to Kevin "Riddler" Riddle at Lossiemouth in 2014.  "I got behind early and couldn't muster a comeback."

Farley has 20.5 Quaich points and a 79% win percentage but has appeared human in recent years. News of Farley's home club defeat buoyed the spirits of Team Scotland 3,700 miles away.

"Wizzit no a shame hearin' Farley gettin' gubbed by Gabelman?" asked Michael "Wee Mikey" Redford.  "Nae.  Ah'd love tae beat that big blonde yin so a wid."

Farley will join Team USA in defending the Quaich in Austin, Texas in October of 2016.