In an audacious effort to gain an advantage going into next
year’s Quaich matches, Scottish Captain Ross “Rosco” MacCallum has taken up
permanent residence in Austin, Texas.
Leaving his wife, Sammy, and two teenaged children behind in Edinburgh,
Rosco has been living in the upscale Plaza Lofts apartment in downtown Austin for several
weeks.
“Relocating just makes strategic sense,” said Rosco. “It’ll give me access to the Barton Creek golf
courses, which I plan to play several times each week.” The Barton Creek Resort
will be the host facility of the 2016 Quaich matches.
Rosco’s apartment lease runs through October 2016, and not
everyone is as gleeful as he about the move.
“I do not understand it,” said a tearful Sammy MacCallum. “He
has essentially abandoned his family.”
“I gotta be honest,” said Chris “Guvna” Hughes, the USA
Captain and Austin resident. “It’s kind
of creepy running into Ross everywhere I go lately.”
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| Rosco at University of Texas football game |
Indeed, the Guvna was entertaining clients at a recent University
of Texas football game when Rosco suddenly appeared wearing a Longhorns cap and
over-sized burnt orange rain poncho. “He
just shows up, uninvited and all excited to learn about American football,”
said Guvna. “It was really awkward for
my guests when Ross started screaming at the referee to issue a red card to a
Kansas State linebacker.”
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| Rosco at Gruene Hall |
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| Rosco at Salt Lick |
Two days later, Guvna and his wife were enjoying a quiet
dinner at the Salt Lick, a popular barbecue restaurant in Austin, when Rosco
unexpectedly appeared. “He just sat down
next to me and asked Pam to past the brisket and beans,” said Guvna. “I was speechless.” Later that night, Rosco followed the Hughes
to Gruene Hall and made a scene by disrupting a Texas line dance with his own
bizarre version of the Scottish Ceilidh.
The Guvna filed for a 50-foot restraining order the next morning.
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| Rosco at Top Golf |
Rosco’s purported reason for the move to Texas --- to spend
time studying the golf courses at Barton Creek --- has not yet
materialized. He has, however, been seen
every other night at Top Golf, a local golf amusement center. “Mister MacCallum is a great customer,” said Brad
Stafford, the General Manager at Top Golf.
“He orders a bucket of Shiners and a couple of quesadillas and spends
hours trying to hit the blue target.”
At last report, Rosco had purchased cowboy boots, Cinch
jeans and started greeting strangers with “Howdy”. He even purchased an assault rifle, claiming
he might need to protect himself from the “illegals” coming up from
Mexico. “We oughta’ build a fu*kin’ wall,”
said Rosco as he dipped into a bag of Red Man. “But until then, I’ve got my Baretta
and a box full of ballistic silver-tips to keep me safe.”
