Where's The Bromance? Scots Lose To Americans in Friendly

In a desperate search for something that works, Team Scotland sent out the veterans in a “friendly” off-year match in St. Andrews.  It may have back-fired.  The American duo of Eric "Swayze" Silagy and Chris "Guv'na" Hughes defeated the Scottish pair of Ian and Ross MacCallum on the Kittocks course at St. Andrews Bay earlier today.  The lop-sided score of the four-ball match was 5 & 4.

As the Brothers MacCallum slipped further behind the Americans during the match, they began to coach each other in an attempt to improve performance.   Sadly, the coaching had the opposite effect to what was intended.

"Shut yer gub ya bawheid!” said Ian “Big Man” MacCallum as his brother advised him on a twisting four-foot putt on the seventh green.

 “Haud yer wheesht, Ian!” said Ross “Rosco” MacCallum to Big Man when he recommended clubbing down on the approach to the ninth.

At the end of the miserable match, Rosco, the Scottish Captain for the 2016 Quaich matches, was philosophical.  “Aye, ‘twas Tatties o’wer the side today,”  he said.  “But it’s a lang road that’s no goat a turnin’. ”

Secret Meeting Leads to Decision on Quaich 2016 Dates

Breaking News!  It was just revealed that USA Captain Chris "Guv'na" Hughes and Scottish Captain Ross "Rosco" MacCallum met secretly in Scotland on July 16 to negotiate the dates of next year's Quaich matches.  Under cover of night, Captain Hughes flew to Scotland to meet with MacCallum without the knowledge of the rest of Team USA.  When the dates were announced as October 27 - 30, 2016 in Austin, Texas, it became clear that MacCallum somehow got the best of the bargaining.

"What the fu*k!" exclaimed Chris "Cudman" Van Horne of Team USA.  "We were supposed to play in mid-July, when Austin has a fu*king heat index of 112, to make the Scots really suffer!"

"We talked about this as a team," added Brian "Farley" Farley.  "The intent was to have the Scots sweat their kilt-covered balls off for four days.  I don't understand what happened to the plan."

This publication received an anonymous photo of the fateful meeting in Scotland at the Scotch Malt Whiskey Society on Queen Street in Edinburgh on July 14.

Captains Hughes and MacCallum hit the bottle in Scotland at secret meeting

Hughes, who has a particular affinity for single malts, was clearly over-served when he agreed to the unprecedented October dates for the Quaich.

"He let Mikey P. right back into the mix," said former US Captain Eric "Swayze" Silagy, referring to the well-known fact that Michael "Mikey P" Peyrebrune would have been unable to play for Team Scotland in a State-side Quaich prior to August 2016 because of work obligations related to the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio De Janeiro.  "This was the Guv'na's first big decision as Captain and he blew it."

"I am please to commit to my first Quaich in the United States," said Mikey P. in a prepared statement.  "As one of the few Scots with an overall winning record in the Quaich matches, I expect to help my team take back the Quaich."

The 2016 Quaich matches will be played in Austin, Texas at the Barton Creek Resort.