2020 Quaich Site Visit

Hoping to increase its chances of being awarded the host city for the 2020 Quaich, Chicago entertained a delegation of dignitaries this week.  Stephen "Web" Webster and Brian "Stealth" Farley toured the facilities and played 18 holes at potential venue Barrington Hills Country Club.

"The quality of the courses, along with easy access to one of the great cities of the world, would make Chicago a fantastic host site for the 2020 Quaich," said Farley.

Web and Farley at Barrington Hills Country Club

The staff at Barrington Hills went out of its way to make sure the dignitaries felt pampered.  After multiple beers on the course and several rum cocktails in the locker room after the round, Web slurred, "Whada greaaaat place. Isssshhh gotma
vote."

H Drops Out Of 2016 Matches Citing "Quaich Fatigue"

A tired Graeeme "H" Wilson relaxes at home in Edinburgh

Graeme “H” Wilson, one of the founding fathers of the modern Quaich, announced today that he will not be joining the Scottish team for the biannual matches in October in Austin, Texas.  The news came as a shock to the golfing world on both sides of the Atlantic.

“After assessing the present condition of my game and consulting with my family, I've decided it's prudent to miss this year's Quaich,” said H in a prepared statement on his website (http://graemewilson.com/).   “I simply do not have the energy or enthusiasm needed to play.  While I hate to not to represent my country, I need to do what's best for my long-term health.”

It is no secret that H has not been the same golfer since devoting more of his time to fatherhood.  Since the arrival of his lovely daughter, Grace, in 2011, H has not had the time or interest in the grueling preparation required to play at a high level in the Quaich.

“Wee Grace is my first priority,” said H.

“A dinna ken he’s yappin’ aboot,” said Scotsman Michael “Wee Mikey” Redford when told of H’s decision.  “I have nine bairns in five different countries, and it’s never got in the way of ma golf.”

But is H’s withdrawal from the Quaich really due to family considerations? Insiders say that H was disillusioned after the 2014 Quaich, causing him to lose interest in continuing for Team Scotland.  Besides recording a personal low of 1.5 points in 2014, H was fuming at being accused of breaking the rules during a hotly contested fourball match at Lossiemouth.  In a fit of gamesmanship, American Stephen “Web” Webster claimed H was continually lifting his ball while in play --- a clear breach of the rules of golf.  H vehemently denied any wrong doing.  The resulting altercation between the Americans and Scots on the fourth fairway was ugly and affected the tone of the match. 

“Web is a daft wallaper,” said H angrily. “He’s the compulsive clawbaw, not me.”  Insiders say H believes the true spirit of the Quaich was destroyed that afternoon, and he wants no part of it going forward.

“I'd like to thank the fans for their concern and support,” said H in the prepared statement.  “The last two years have been difficult, but I have the best fans anywhere, and I want them to know that."

Scottish Captain Ross “Rosco” MacCallum will announce a replacement for H in the coming weeks.