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| A tired Graeeme "H" Wilson relaxes at home in Edinburgh |
Graeme “H” Wilson, one of the founding fathers of the modern
Quaich, announced today that he will not be joining the Scottish team for the
biannual matches in October in Austin, Texas.
The news came as a shock to the golfing world on both sides of the Atlantic.
“After assessing the present condition of my game and
consulting with my family, I've decided it's prudent to miss this year's
Quaich,” said H in a prepared statement on his website (http://graemewilson.com/). “I simply do not have the energy or enthusiasm
needed to play. While I hate to not to
represent my country, I need to do what's best for my long-term health.”
It is no secret that H has not been the same golfer since
devoting more of his time to fatherhood.
Since the arrival of his lovely daughter, Grace, in 2011, H has not had
the time or interest in the grueling preparation required to play at a high
level in the Quaich.
“Wee Grace is my first priority,” said H.
“A dinna ken he’s yappin’ aboot,” said Scotsman Michael “Wee
Mikey” Redford when told of H’s decision.
“I have nine bairns in five different countries, and it’s never got in
the way of ma golf.”
But is H’s withdrawal from the Quaich really due to family
considerations? Insiders say that H was disillusioned after the 2014 Quaich,
causing him to lose interest in continuing for Team Scotland. Besides recording a personal low of 1.5
points in 2014, H was fuming at being accused of breaking the rules during a
hotly contested fourball match at Lossiemouth.
In a fit of gamesmanship, American Stephen “Web” Webster claimed H was
continually lifting his ball while in play --- a clear breach of the rules of
golf. H vehemently denied any wrong doing. The resulting altercation between the
Americans and Scots on the fourth fairway was ugly and affected the tone of the
match.
“Web is a daft wallaper,” said H angrily. “He’s the
compulsive clawbaw, not me.” Insiders
say H believes the true spirit of the Quaich was destroyed that afternoon, and
he wants no part of it going forward.
“I'd like to thank the fans for their concern and support,”
said H in the prepared statement. “The
last two years have been difficult, but I have the best fans anywhere, and I
want them to know that."
Scottish Captain Ross “Rosco” MacCallum will announce a
replacement for H in the coming weeks.
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