In a defining moment in Quaich history, Team Scotland won
the Quaich over the U.S.A. by a final score of 11½ to 7½. Winless since 2006, Scotland took the Quaich for
the third time with its first win on U.S. soil. The Scottish players celebrated late into
the night on Sunday in Austin, Texas, sharing their joy via video calls with
loved ones back in Caledonia.
 |
| Victorious Team Scotland at Barton Creek |
“Ah’m o’er the moon,” said an emotional Ross “Rosco”
MacCallum, the Scottish captain, with tears welling in his eyes. “Ah still cannae believe it.”
“We won! Yaldi!,” exclaimed Ronald “NSW Ronnie” Denholm, who
won all four of his matches to lead Team Scotland in points.
Scotland exorcised its demons and quieted its critics with a
dominant performance in Austin, Texas.
Scotland won the opening day on Friday, the morning session on Saturday,
and never looked back. Any hope of a USA
comeback was squelched late on Saturday afternoon during the team scramble
competition at the Coore Crenshaw course’s 17th green. Clinging to a 1 up lead in the match, the
Scottish team of Allen “Oor Wullie” Wilson and Douglas “Slicer” Brown were on
the verge of losing the hole. With the
Americans safely in for par, Oor Wullie faced a slippery 25-foot downhill shot
from the fringe. The crowd gathered
around the green agreed that the Scottish team had little chance to get down in
two to halve the hole from that perilous position. But with the calm of a Quaich veteran, rookie
Oor Wullie used a classic “Texas wedge” to hole the shot, break the hearts of
the assembled American team, and secure the point for Scotland.
Sky Sports golf commentator Ewen Murray praised Captain
MacCallum’s strategy. “He simply
out-foxed the U.S. captain,” said Murray.
Rosco’s controversial “no drinking” rule for his team paid huge
dividends. And sending out the same
pairings on the Saturday morning and afternoon sessions was a stroke of genius
as Scotland used the day to build on its lead.
“Even Rosco’s pretending to get confused about the order of his singles
selection on Sunday was a well-calculated ruse,” said one Scottish insider.
 |
| The Wee's celebrate their victory |
As for Team USA, they will spend the next two years reflecting
on this loss. The U.S. team never found its
rhythm in Austin. Aside from the 3
points earned by U.S. Captain Chris “Guvna” Hughes, there were not many bright
spots for Team USA. Stalwart player
Brian “Goombay” Farley seemed uninspired throughout the weekend and only managed
2 points. And “the Original Three”
veteran players James “Sheets” Moreland , Chris “Cudman” Van Horne and Stephen “Web”
Webster achieved a dismal 2 ½ points between them. “We’re thinking of reducing the role of the Original Three to just ceremonial
opening tee shots in 2018,” said a bitter USA player, who asked to remain
anonymous. In fairness, Sheets suffered
a debilitating lateral oblique injury while warming-up before day one of the
Quaich and was never the same. “The
Sheets injury was a big set-back for Team USA,” said Brandel Chamblee of Golf
Channel. “That lateral oblique was the biggest Quaich health scare since the
Wee Mikey Chinese food episode in 2014.”
“I’m proud of my guys,” said U.S. Captain Chris “Guvna”
Hughes. “We just got beat by a better
team.”
“It will change in 2018,” said U.S. President-elect Donald
Trump when informed of the Quaich results. “We will have so much winning that
you may get bored with winning. Believe me.”
The USA now leads the modern Quaich series with 5 wins to Scotland’s
3.
Safely in the arms of Rosco, the Quaich returned to its
ancestral homeland on British Air flight 109 on Monday night. Announcements of the date and location of
Quaich 2018 will come in late 2017.
