Vodka and Estrogen Flow Freely At Quaich!

A cat-fight of epic proportions occurred on Friday night after the first round of the Quaich.  With the USA already down 2 1/2 to 1 1/2 points, USA Captain Chris “Guvna” Hughes made the decision to call in a substitute for an injured James “Sheets” Moreland.  Incredibly, the Captain's decision was allegedly blocked by his own teammate, Stephen “Web” Webster.  During late night drinks at Banger’s Sausage House Beer Garden in Austin, Guvna was heard to scream about “insubordination” and “executive privilege”.  Web slurred a few vodka-infused words about the “spirit of the Quaich” and “no interlopers”.  Seeing the Americans beginning to implode, the Scottish team quietly disappeared into the night.  The American team continued fighting among themselves into the early hours of the morning.

Many Quaich insiders say that Web, in particular, tends to feed off drama.  “Web has been involved in most of the drama over the years in the Quaich,” said an unnamed source.  “Let’s just say it’s not just a coincidence. Web’s a bit of a drama mama.”

Indeed, Web has been at their epicenter of many of the great Quaich controversies in the past.  Web was actively involved in the Graeme Wilson ball touching accusation at Lossiemouth, the sweet potato soup incident at Castle Stewart, and the fake tequila shots at North Berwick.

Guvna and Web in happier times

This is certainly not the first time Web has squabbled with his own team.  Sources tell us that in 2014 in the Highlands, Web and then-Captain Eric “Swayze” Silagy exchanged personal invectives at the dining table over a suggested benching of Web for poor play.   The slurs “controlling Type A douche canoe” and “passive-aggressive feeble dicked jizztissue” were heard ringing from the walls of the great room of Quarryfield.  Six years earlier, because Web was not collaborative in selecting pairings while Captain in Colorado in 2008, he had a very public argument with Cudman during dinner at Six89 in Carbondale.  The two did not speak for 24-hours after the ugly episode.

“Web is crazier'n all git out!” said one anonymous source with a Texas twang. “I done told ya he was on his period this weekend.”

“I don’t know why I always end up in the middle of these incidents,” said a contrite Web. “I’m looking forward to having a drama-free Quaich in 2018.”