Quaich 2016 Schedule of Events

The schedule of events for Quaich 2016 has been released.  It looks to be another epic get-together.  The schedule proves that, as usual, the Quaich is as much an endurance contest as it is a golf match.  Bring it

2016 Quaich

Barton Creek Resort and Country Club

Austin, Texas

October 26^th to 30th

Wednesday October 27^th

4:00 PM – 6:00 PM
Arrive: Omni Barton Creek Resort

(Transportation from Airport to Resort

will be provided).

6:30 – 8:30 PM
Cocktails and Dinner at the Resort.             

8:30 – 11:00 PM
Drinks, Hazing, and Bullshitting                  

                                                   

Thursday October 27^th

8:00 AM – 9:00 AM
Breakfast: Main Dining Room (On your own)   

(Full Breakfast Buffest available)

10:00 AM – 3:00 PM
Practice Round on Fazio Foothills course        

5:00 PM
Cocktails at Resort                                          

5:45 PM

Depart Resort for Salt Lick BBQ in Driftwood, TX        

(Beer and Cocktails provided en route)

6:30 PM
Opening Dinner at Salt Lick                                                                         

8:30 PM

Depart Salt Lick for 6^th Street                                                                      

Entertainment District                                             

11:30 PM
Depart Downtown Austin for Resort                                                         

Friday October 28th

7:00 – 8:00 AM
Breakfast:  Main Dining Room                                                                     

8:30 AM
Depart: For Palmer Lakeside course                                                          

10:00 AM
Quaich Opening Round Tee Off                                                                   

(Box Lunch provided)

2:30 – 3:30 PM
Depart Lakeside for Resort                                                                         

6:15 PM
Depart Resort for El Mercado Cantina                                                    

(Downtown Austin)

6:45 – 8:45 PM
Dinner at El Mercado                                                                                   

8:45 PM
Depart El Mercado for South Congress

or Rainey St. Entertainment Districts                                                         

11:00 PM
Depart South Congress for Resort                                                             

Saturday October 29^th

7:30 AM
Depart Resort for Fazio Canyons course                                                   

(Breakfast Tacos will be provided) (10 minute bus ride)

8:30 AM
Quaich Second Round Tee Off                                                                    

1:30 PM
Depart Fazio Canyons for Resort                                                               

(Box Lunch provided at Resort)

2:00 PM
Third Round Tee Off: Coore/Crenshaw Cliffside course                         

7:00 – 8:00 PM
Cocktails at Resort                                                                                        

8:15 PM
Depart Resort for Warehouse Entertainment District                             

8:45 PM
Pizza Dinner, football watching                                                                   

11:00 PM
Depart Warehouse District for Resort                                                       

Sunday October 30th                                                                                                                               

7:00 – 8:00 AM
Breakfast: Main Dining Room                                                                      

8:30 AM
Final Round Tee Off: Fazio Foothills                                                          

1:30 – 3:00 PM
Snacks, Beer, and Bragging                                                                          

5:00 PM
Depart Resort for Closing Dinner

(Steiner Ranch Steak House overlooking Lake Travis)                                

5:30 -7:00 PM
Drinks and Sunset                                                                                         

7:00 PM
Closing Dinner                                                                                               

9:00 PM

Depart Steiner Ranch for Resort                                                                

Desperation or Brilliance? Team Scotland Rounds Out Its Roster with Slicer and “Oor Wullie”

Edinburgh, September 5, 2016

Team Scotland announced its final Captain’s Picks for the 2016 Quaich matches earlier today in a press conference at the Assembly Rooms on George Street in Edinburgh.   Scottish Captain Ross “Rosco” MacCallum named Dr. Douglas “Slicer” Brown and Allen “Oor Wullie” Wilson as the seventh and eighth players on his roster.

Guvna and Slicer in Florida, June 2012

Avid Quaich fans will remember Slicer as a stealthy rookie in the 2012 Quaich in Florida.  The last time we saw Slicer in action, he was taking down Chris “Guvna” Hughes 8&7 in singles at Ballenisles in 2012. It was the last recorded Dog’s License in Quaich history.  “Aye, ‘twas a proud day fur me,” said Slicer.  “I expect to hang another license on Guvna in Austin.” 

For his part, the Guvna relishes the opportunity for revenge. “Dangit, now you got the Guvna all worked up for nothin’,” said Guvna when reminded of his 2012 singles defeat. “Guvna’s fixin’ tuh git-r-done this year.”

“I’m delighted to have Slicer back on the team,” said Rosco.  “He plays well in the States and is a proven winner when partnered with Ronnie.”  

Slicer, who is a licensed doctor in St. Andrews, and Ronald “Not So Wee Ronnie” Denholm were undefeated as a pair in 2012.  “I don’t know if they’ll be paired together again,” said an unnamed source inside the American team.  “But it will be good to have a doctor familiar with Heimlich maneuver around when NSW Ronnie attacks the breakfast buffet at the Omni Barton Creek Resort,”

Quaich Blog Flashback: Slicer's 2012 Introduction

Allen Wilson and his namesake "Orr Wullie"

Allen “Oor Wullie” Wilson is a mystery.  Reportedly born and raised in Glasgow, Oor Wullie now lives in Vancouver, Canada where he runs an oil exploration firm and plays to a single digit handicap.   Quaich officials are still confirming Oor Wullie’s eligibility to play for Scotland, but Captain MacCallum is confident that he will be confirmed.  “He’s more Scottish than Ben Nevis, haggis, Sheena Easton and Irn Bru combined,” said Rosco.

“This story has more twists than a pretzel factory,” said Guvna when informed of Oor Wullie’s background. “The man claims to be of Scottish birth, resides in Canada, but spends more time in Oklahoma than he does anywhere else.” 

“Un-fucking-believable,” said Chris “Cudman” Van Horne.  “So now only half of Team Scotland actually live in the country they claim to represent.”

Ignoring the criticism, Rosco is excited about bringing in a ringer who can match up well against American stalwart Brian “Stealth” Farley.  “Oor Wullie will rally gie’n it laldy in Austin,” said Rosco.

The 2016 Quaich matches will commence on October 28^th in Austin, Texas.

Is This A Joke? Scottish Captain MacCallum Gives Riddler the Boot!

Rosco and Riddler in happier times

Kevin “Riddler” Riddle was informed late on Friday by Scottish Captain Ross “Rosco” MacCallum that he would not be asked to join the team for Quaich 2016 in Austin, Texas next month.  Scotland fans were shocked and angered by the move, especially given that Riddler was enjoying a renaissance in his golf game and was among the leading points producers for Team Scotland in 2014.

“I have great respect for Riddler,” said Rosco.  “But I feel that we need to change our formula and bring in new players to be successful in America.”

“Ah'm fuckin beelin, so ah um,” said an enraged Riddler.  “Ross is a right diddie so he is.”

Rosco's Twitter account immediately filled with hateful tweets from Riddler's loyal fans.

"@rossmaccallum1 Keep Riddler, you tit!"

"@rossmaccallum1 You're such a Gobshite!"

"@rossmaccallum1 Why?  You witless fucking cocksplat!"

"@rossmaccallum1 Riddler was your best player, you idiotic jizztrumpet!"

The move leaves Captain MacCallum with two spots to fill when he announces his Captain’s Picks at a press conference on Monday in Edinburgh.